Feeling the Progress

Okay - I was not able to completely follow through with my own advice in my last post. I have done even more praying and searching the word for continued comfort during this very stressful, emotional, and sad month. I continued to revert to old destructive habits though.
Why? Well - it sure isn't because those old coping mechanisms work for any given time - as a matter of fact - just like with any substance, food messes with me more - maybe it wouldn't if I was seeking comfort from protein, veggies, etc, but that is not my pattern. I get candy bars, cakes, cookies, doughnuts. I keep them for myself and eat them. This in turn not only cause weight gain, but also mood swings. That is soooo not helpful - especially when dealing with stress already - mood swings make it all worse. So, I decided to ask my doctor for help during this time. I am taking half an appetite suppressant. It doesn't take away from the "emotional" desire to eat - I have to continue addressing that with God, but it does help me to not focus so much on food because I do feel full. The biggest benefit is being able to stop eating when I am full. I am still having to retrain my brain and soul to stop looking at food for comfort. I am stopping to talk with God more, putting on music to praise, and talking with my husband for support. So, while I don't support any kind of ongoing medication, I do believe all of us need help every once in a while for the physical side until our hearts and minds take over and we are stronger in Christ to reject our flesh.
So, I am making better food choices - high protein, low carb, more fiber. I am also still exercising. I LOVE this now!! I miss it when I don't go. NEVER thought I would "be one of those" ;0)
I pray for you and your day - that we would all continue to focus on how Christ is going to use the struggles we go through for someone else's benefit. That focus helps take away most of the embarrassment.

Keeping On

Okay - so sometimes life wants to get in our way - In the way of goals we set and plans we have. Sometimes "life" is the choices we make and their consequences - good or bad - and sometimes "life" is relationships - again - good or bad.

I have had a chance to experience "life" this last week - grandparent with cancer, kids that have lots going on, disagreements with spouse that really irk, etc. When you have a lot going on, not only is it difficult to eat right (or you could be like me and eat emotionally - wanting comfort from things that taste good and don't talk back ;0) ) and it is difficult to take the time for yourself - whether that is because of commitments or because of guilt - guilt that you want to take time for you. Who knows. All I know is you have to press on. Don't let "life" rob you of being healthy. Not just healthy, but active also. I have been physically very, very tired - probably because of all the emotional stuff, but so tired none the less. I haven't wanted to exercise, but I have been making myself. I do feel so much better when I do. I have not been eating great - but that is something I plan to rectify.

So - when "life" gets you down or tries to get in your way - remember -

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

So, keep on pursuing health and activity - don't let your joy be robbed - and continue to carve out that time for yourself. Maybe that means no TV, or whatever you love (since exercise is not yet a true "love" for me) - just trade that time and you will thank yourself later!!

Small Victories

So, here I am on my last week of Boot Camp. I have loved most of it - not really the pain of the first two weeks, but the rest has been great! This next go round I am going to sign up for the three day a week program. But, let me update you on my progress:

I have lost 6 lbs., 1 3/4 inches from my waist, 3/4 inch from my thigh, 1/4 inch from my biceps - and I can't remember the rest. I have also lost 3 % in body fat!! WooHoo!!!
The best thing so far for me has actually not been those numbers - although they are great motivators right here at the end - no, the best thing has been how strong I have gotten. I can lift things now, I am not as winded when I do things, and I stayed on the elliptical machine yesterday for 20 whole minutes!! (Level 5 resistance). I just can't explain what this means to a couch potato like me. Mind you I will never be a marathon runner - I am definitely more of a sprinter, but the strength is getting better everyday.

I am pumped about this!! I am also so extremely thankful that God has blessed me with a body that moves! I am learning that I cannot take that for granted. My best friend of my life called two days ago to let me know she had gone to the hospital for chest pains. With her history of high blood pressure and the knowledge she was still in the hospital I was very, very concerned. Thankfully it is not her heart, but it looks like pancreatitis. They are working to find out what is causing it. My prayer is it is just her gall bladder and can be taken out. To say that I had a wake up call is very minor. Not only can I not imagine anything very serious being wrong, but it was a wake up call about my own health, too. She is 8 months younger than me. So, if it can happen to her, it can happen to me. Needless to say that was the extra push I needed to keep going.

So, as this journey to health and weight loss continues I will keep you updated.

Philippians 3:13-14

"13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "

Press on and Praise Him!!

Halfway Through!!

Okay - week two down. Yeah!! I have to say I really have a love/hate relationship with this whole thing. I love how encouraging the trainer is, how much better I feel this second week, and the way my body is challenged like never before. On the other hand I hate the pain, the feeling like my heart will rupture if I walk or run one more lap, or the feeling like I need to vomit.
Thankfully the vomiting feeling is rare and I am learning the hard way what to eat, but also what to stay away from.
Doing intense (again, for me) exercise like this requires different things from my body. I have read some on what to eat and not eat to increase the benefit - and replenish what is lost. If I dare to drink a milkshake or have milk products before exercise (around lunch) then I am dying about 20 min into the workout - but I have also found that after a workout and reward of low fat chocolate milk is like heaven!
I have lost four pounds!! Yeah!
The bad news is that I have done something to my ankle. It hurts to walk on and is swollen - Yesterday I pressed through anyway - but now I am paying. I need prayer for immediate healing - I can't stop this now!! I am fearful I would never start back! That would be horrible!!!!
I definitely feel better and am carrying myself better - I wonder if it is because of the exercises strengthening everything - or just because I am so internally proud that I have come this far! (probably both :D )
This is Easter weekend - a time for new growth, new beginnings, forgiveness, love, and family. I pray that I can continue with the new growth (in the right direction) and continue to accept the forgiveness God gives so freely when I mess up - and that I will not sink back into destructive patterns when around bio family - you know - like eating out of habit, or even out of frustration :D
I am so thrilled to have the ability to go to this Boot Camp! I thank God for the blessing and it is by His strength I am able to finish each day!
Philippians 4:13

One Down

Okay - so I completed an entire four solid, back to back days of intense (at least in my world it is) exercise!! WHAT A GOD THING!!



Today begins week two. I am not really so much looking forward to it as I am so thankful that I have the opportunity and support and am not going to waste it!



Do I feel better? Yes. I am not sore (as of this morning - I will let you know how it goes from here), and I can definitely tell a difference in my ability to pick things up - so much better!

I cannot wait to get stronger and stronger.



Now - I know it has only been one week (really four days), but I was hoping to see a change in the scales for the good - So far - the same - actually on Friday and Saturday my legs and hands swelled so I had a little extra going for me. I don't really know what was up with that, but I will continue on.



I know that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" Philippians 4:13

Christ went through horrible pain and torture for me and endured. He didn't give up - not even when he wanted to. He is my inspiration!



May your life be blessed by this journey you are traveling!

Boot Camp

How many of you secretly watch "Biggest Loser" wishing you too could have the privilege of someone staying over you, encouraging, berating, etc - until you, too lose 80, 100, 50, 150 lbs?
But, you are also munching away on something while watching and wishing? I have been known to do all of this - watch while eating popcorn, or ice cream, or cookies, etc - wishing inside I could trade places with one of them - but also knowing I would not want the whole world watching me or analyzing my every mistake, tear, or roll of fat.

So, on this quest to health, weight loss, spiritual growth, and hopefully fitness - I have finally gotten off the couch. Once again - thank you to my wonderful and fabulous husband - my main supporter in all of this!

I am going to start day three today of an all female boot camp. I didn't really understand the pain my body would be in or exactly how hard we work even from day one! But I really am liking it. I like feeling successful when I do 75 of anything and then move to the next exercises. I like that my body feels the work and I am eagerly awaiting my outside to show what is happening on the inside! I must say I question whether or not I was smart to start with the 4 day/week program as opposed to three - but as my husband reminded me - I am exactly where I am supposed to be!

So - I will keep you updated on my progress - and thank the Lord I did not vomit yesterday like I thought I was going to from pushing my body so hard :D

Many Blessings!

65 Pounds to go

Maybe the title doesn't cover everything, but it is a start. That is what we all focus on, right? The pounds? I know I do - if you can give me a guaranteed pill to swallow - tell me it will not damage my heart and lungs, will curb my craving for carbs without the nasty flatulence to go along with that - then I would be all over it!! But, alas, so far there is no such wonder pill. It has taken me years of self indulgence and gluttony to get here, so I am not sure why I feel it can all be "undone" in 90 days! (it hasn't been 90 days, I am just poking at the diet fads that harp on that). For me - I have been seriously moving forward - with multiple steps back - for almost 78 days now. I am still down 16.5 pounds. I know if I would incorporate exercise I could be down further, but I haven't so this is the price I pay.

I can't say I have enjoyed this whole process. I am so glad that I have begun it though. I do have a different way of looking at food, and a knowledge that food will not disappear from my life forever just because I do not partake of it at that moment. I am trying to be healthier and instill healthier habits in my children. I am also trying to let them see me share - where once I kept things for myself. How awful is that to admit? Yep - really bad. But, they have noticed the change and have even commented on it. Sad, huh? Oh well - we will all be better off in the end.

My goal is still the same. I want to be free of my addiction to carbs and sweets. I want to also have lost 80 pounds. And, as much as I dislike exercise, I want to shape up. To me that means being able to play, swim, walk, and ride a bike at a regular pace without being winded. Not too much to ask I don't think.

Blessings as you move forward!!

Moving Forward

I have stopped counting days - I don't exactly know when I stopped, maybe around the time of my last entry, but I have stopped. I no longer think of this as something with a beginning and an end. I really now think of it as a lifestyle. That is the goal, right? I am not saying I am perfect, and I am definitely not saying I have lost the total amount of weight I need to, but I see changes in me. I feel the changes in my choices, how I look at food, and in the fact that I don't have that burning, "get out of my way" need for something sweet at the end of the day like I did even three weeks ago.

So, here I am, on March the 2nd, and really praying that these "feelings" (which I know can be deceiving) are here to stay. That the changes that are positive inside me are permanent. That I am on the right track - moving forward - and that four months from now - one year from now - I can look back and say - "Yes, I remember the moment my heart changed."

So, all that being said - I still am waiting on my heart to get on board with exercise. Unfortunately, I really think God is waiting on ME to get on board with exercise. Funny, huh? Well - I keep packing my workout clothes and they keep not getting used. My intentions are so so good though! :D

I am down 16.5 lbs this morning. If I could exercise and completely lay off chocolate and sweets I know I could be down more, but - oh well- this is me for now - and I will forge ahead, with God's help.

Again, I am so very thankful for my support - from my husband most of all - and from those that have commented on the changes they see outwardly, but I know they are only the result of the changes from within.

Blessings as you move forward!

Day Twenty Two

Well, my very first impulse is to run and hide - and what I mean is to just not post anymore. I really have not done well these last few days, and all the knowledge I have has not helped my choices. What it comes down to is heart.
I would like to say my heart is right, but is it? Would a right heart still go in a store - no matter what the temptation - and buy cookies, ice cream, candy, etc? Especially knowing the weakness within me. That would be like me celebrating a friend's recovery from alcohol with a keg party. Seriously - where is my heart? It has been right - until this past weekend. My husband says this weekend was not the change - the change came a week ago - the two week celebration mark - when I ate ice cream. That was the beginning of the downhill slide for me. It is true. My flesh has gained strength again. All that I have gotten through and struggled through - I feel like I am back to square one. I feel like I can't just say "I am going to do better." No, I have to START OVER!!

Honestly, I am tired right now. That is also part of my problem. Remember how I cautioned about taking care of you - not to the extent of not doing what God called you to in caring for your family, but also not always putting others or "good things" first before what is needed to grow yourself spiritually and physically. Well, that lesson is coming home to roost, so to speak. I am tired from good. But, the flip side is I am also out of order. I have not helped with the meals at home - I really have spent the last week avoiding the kitchen if I could - not helpful. I did not ever finish a new plan, either - I did put forth a half hearted attempt at a new one, but nothing real. So, I am convicted about that. There is a verse that says God will bless the works of your hands. Well - I have to actually work my hands in this area for that to be the case.
I know God will one day use all this - this struggle and these feelings of inadequacy to help another - and I cling to that. I just don't want to disappoint one more time. Not me, my husband, God, or anyone else - which is probably why only three people even know I am writing this blog - so if you are reading this - trust me - that is a DIVINE APPOINTMENT!!

So, my challenge to myself: Make a plan. Make a two week menu, shopping list, and start over. Forgive yourself your shortcomings "In our weakness, He is made strong." and Press On!!

Today I brought my workout clothes with me to work - also my workout video. Of course my day is half over and I have not even done anything with any of it, but I did pack it all up and bring it :D

My choices today have been self loathing: Breakfast: two iced sugar cookies and diet mtn. dew
Snack: five snack sized twix bars (found them in the kitchen drawer), Lunch: Chicken salad wrap (homemade)

Reminder to self: "...for the righteous man falls seven times, he gets back up; but the wicked are brought down by calamity." Proverbs 24:16

Days Nineteen through Twenty one

Okay - weekends apparently are my Achilles heel. I had a plan. I just let it fly out the window. We didn't even go on our date, my husband and I, we cleaned out closets instead (trust me - this was an act of love on my part - because it was important to my husband, I figured I needed to help him out - and really in doing so it helped me too. It was kind of fun going through old memories with the kids, watching our wedding and throwing out stuff we don't need, but dates are still so important). I got cocky, a little lazy, and slacked off. I did buy more ice cream - wrong thing to do - didn't buy Girl Scout cookies - which seemed to greet me at every corner this weekend - but I did buy the iced sugar cookies on sale at Wal Mart.

What did I learn? Well - that I cannot go to a grocery store without eating first - so never directly after church unless I have had a GOOD breakfast - which I did not yesterday. I also learned I do not have to give into temptation. "No temptation is put upon you except that which is common to man - and God will provide a way out if you are looking for it" This is probably not the exact wording and I may be mixing two verses together, but regardless, the message is the same - With God I can always have the strength to say no to whatever I think is so overwhelming or compelling to me at the time. Yesterday was a complete wash. It was almost like I got up saying, "How badly can I treat my body today?" It was awful. My body paid me back too - I gained two pounds this weekend, and I had horrible heart burn that woke me up at 1:30 a.m. That was right before my five year old woke me up about an hour later. So, not a good night. I did do my "exercises" this weekend. Probably mental penance for eating so badly. I don't know. I have to come up with a new strategy for weekends, that is for sure.

So, thankful for a new day - for forgiveness and multiple chances. Here I go again.

Day Eighteen

"I am the Lord, I am the Lord, the merciful and gracious God. I am slow to anger and rich in unfailing love and faithfulness. I show this unfailing love to many thousands by forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. Even so I do not leave sin unpunished, but I punish the children for the sins of their parents to the third and fourth generations." Exodus 34:6-7


I picture God here, walking in front of Moses, hands clasped behind his back, serious, but loving expression on his face and then turning to look right at Moses at the end - and Moses falls to the ground - as much from the words God says here as from looking on the face of God I think. These verses really give me pause. I look at my own family. I see this. The choices that have been made and passed down from generation to generation - until someone steps up with the strength and humility required to break the generational curse. It could be something like alcoholism, drug addiction, infidelity, abuse, negativity, or overeating - or it could be something completely different that you personally see as binding to you or shameful and interferes with your walk with Christ. Don't worry - you will know if you have anything. What I want is to break this eating thing in my family. I believe in doing so, healing will be passed from me to my children. The irony in all of this is that my youngest child has serious food allergies and even still cannot eat much of anything, and has to be on special formula that costs almost $500 a month. He is only five. If this continues, who knows how much the formula cost will be. I do know that no matter what, God has always provided and will continue to. I just see now that we can be completely free - and I want this!!

So, my menu for the eighteenth day was not the worst, but also not the best -
Breakfast: Chicken salad (still have leftovers)
Snack: Water/bacon strips (three)
Lunch: Chili's Southwest chicken salad (no dressing because it had tortilla strips on it, but it was flavored enough that no dressing didn't bother me)
Snack: Fudgesicle
Supper: Poorly planned - out in traffic - ended up grabbing a small bag of M&Ms at WalMart and eating them. I was famished!! I also had eaten a reduced fat/calorie slice of cheese before I went thinking that would help til I got home - Not so.
Snack - fudgesicle.

I did do jumping jacks and push ups today. I know I need to plan my meals again - I have become bored with my current menu at home and I know my family has to have - so I am going to revamp that. I am excited about the possibilities using flatout bread - I can have pizza!!
So - that is my goal for this weekend. To make a new menu. I have these cheesecake brownies that I have had in the freezer since the 28th of January - promising myself and my family that we could eat them on Valentine's day. Why are they so special? Well, first they are my favorite thing from Edgar's bakery here in town, second, I just really had good intentions in the beginning - of staying "sugar free" until the day of Valentine's. But, alas - I have fallen short of that - so onward I trudge. I am going to have one - on Valentine's day, with my husband and kids, and enjoy it. I am also going to have something healthy like fish or steak or something to go before it.

Keep up the good work - keep the planning going - shake things up a bit so you don't become discouraged. God bless your efforts in Him!

Day Seventeen

Well, I am just really flat out embarrassed about what I ate yesterday. Yep. That is definitely the word I would use. I think I looked forward too much to yesterday because I knew we were having a special lunch at work and that would include dessert.

I did okay with lunch. Broccoli and cheese soup - 300 calories, 1/2 Caesar salad - 87 calories (removed the croutons except 3) and didn't put the dressing on top - just put my fork in the dressing before I put my fork in the salad. It was such a good lunch. Then came dessert. She brought 5 pieces of cake. Now there were 4 of us at lunch but only 2 of us ate cake. I should have taken the hint. No, I ate the caramel cake instead. Then took two pieces home - gave one to my husband, ate the bottom half or the chocolate one and then gave the top to my daughter. I still ate supper, crock pot turkey, green beans, water - then made four squares of smores later as a bedtime snack. Why? I have no idea. Probably because deep down I thought, "well I have eaten cake today so why not? and I have lost 13 pounds, so what could it hurt?" Trust me - all my bad choices lately are showing today. I haven't lost enough to be able all out splurge like that. Especially four times in one week. "Be sure your sins will find you out."

Mine have - to the tune of a 1.5 lb weight gain this morning. Yes, I got on and off the scales twice hoping the number was a fluke. How funny is that - just like the day I had lost two pounds the first time. Why is it we can't trust what we see when we say we want proof? South Beach warns of this. Of feeling like we can have "a little of this and a little of that" here and there. It always catches up. So, I have to jump back on. We have another lunch today. But I will eat a fudgesicle if I need something sweet.

I hope you are all doing better and hanging in there. The war continues, but the battles are thankfully spread further apart.

Blessings

Day Sixteen

Okay - so have we talked much about exercise? No. I do not like exercise. I do usually feel so good afterward - and proud of myself for having done it, but historically it has also been followed with eating something at the end that was full of sugar, fat, and carbs - you know - a reward for having exercised :D



This past Sunday, my pastor made a statement that, once again, made a light bulb come on inside my head. When I say I have been to exercise classes, diet classes, diet doctors, eaten weight control foods, taken diet pills, tried herbal cleanses, and even colonic, I am not kidding. I know that exercise is good for you. My problem has been largely motivation, but also, time. Don't we all say, "I just don't have the time"? Well, I probably lead that pack. So, what am I doing with that time? Watching TV? Okay - well, while I watch TV, take ten seconds and do sit ups or run in place or some other form of movement. Point is - we all have 10 seconds in our day - we can all put that into actual exercise. I have done that for three days now and mentally it is working for me. I feel not so much like a slug, I am wanting to go longer than 10 seconds, and I think twice about those Hershey Kisses I found left over from Christmas in my drawer at work. There were only four - how can four hurt? Back to my wise husband's comment about which part of the train kills you - *hint, it is not the caboose*.




So, days ago when I encouraged us all to start thinking about exercise, little did I know that God would use my pastor - FROM THE PULPIT - to speak to me on this very subject. Again, I ask you, "How great is our God?"




Menu:



Breakfast: Two slices of turkey bacon, slice of low fat sharp cheddar cheese



Snack: .75 oz of cashews



Lunch: Chicken Salad (low calorie mayo with salt, pepper, celery, and canned white meat, breast chicken) on a piece of Flatout bread (this is something just rediscovered by me through a friend. 100 calories, 8 grams fiber, 9 grams protein, and only 1 gram of sugar - this particular kind also has flax and is made from stone ground wheat)



Snack: Sugar Free Popsicle



Supper: Crock Pot Turkey, fresh green beans, two whole wheat Ritz crackers with a diced tomato and shredded cheese on top - broiled in the oven, one chocolate (barely) dipped strawberry



Dessert: fudgesicle




Have you thought about coming vacations? Around here we are preparing to go on what we call Spring Break. I am so stoked about this trip. I will cover more on this and why tomorrow - but let me just tell you - I get to be in charge of food for all!! YEAH! Yes- I got on the scales today - no pounds down, no pounds up - still doing good :D

Day Fifteen

"When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. FINALLY, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." Psalm 32:3-5

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I can honestly say my guilt is gone. Not only was my guilt over my addiction to food getting in the way of relationships with others, but also my relationship with Christ. When I say it was getting in the way that is what I mean - I dreaded looking at sales papers, I could not think about recipes, I hated going to the grocery store and being responsible for coming home with stuff that could be put together to make meals. I truly had a spiritual and mental block in this area. To have this "block" cracked - I had to surrender. For me the surrender happened in my soul back in October, but I had been praying for it for almost two years - maybe really earnestly for one - but still praying - and waiting impatiently. While my soul surrendered I truly did not understand how to bring my flesh into submission. I have never been in sports, a part of a team, in the military, or anything that really required me to answer to someone besides bosses, husband, parents, etc. I haven't really been great at that - rebellious with limitations on my rebellion, but for my upbringing - rebellious. Not how I want my children to be, not what I want them to go through. I do not want them to be in bondage to ANYTHING!! No, I am not perfect - not by a long shot, but I do and have confessed my rebellion, and issues with submitting to authority - especially when the authority is so lousy in my opinion - you know - an incompetent boss or governor, or principle, etc. Fortunately, God has graciously shown me I am not responsible for what they do or the decisions that they make and as long as I am in order and in submission He will continue to cover me, but if I step outside the covering and authority I am basically telling God, "I got this". So, this past year he has been changing my thinking and my heart, and my life. Now he is spilling that into my food. I had to surrender inside my soul before I could get my flesh to follow - where my heart goes the rest follows, right?

Thankfully, God long ago knew I would need the premise of the South Beach Diet. He knew I was going to be one that used food for comfort, had a history of insulin resistance, and a family history of type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I am so thankful that I read this book, and that He has walked me through this. I am even more thankful that He knew two years ago what I was going to need to get through each step and exactly when I would be ready to receive from Him - and has provided through His word, people, diet books, and song, exactly what I have needed over these past couple of years to get me to this point. All this time I thought I was the one waiting on Him to move. No, He was patiently waiting on me. How great is our GOD?!!!

We make life so complicated because we get ahead of God. One day I will truly learn how to fully wait - and in waiting gain strength. One would think that since I can look back over my life and see so many specific God movements, that I would understand it all by now, but for whatever reason I still have more to learn. My spirit is so willing, and though my flesh is weak, God is making it stronger daily.

Thank you, God.

Menu:
Breakfast: Two boiled eggs seasoned with Lawry's seasoning salt, and water
Snack: Sugar Free Jello
Lunch: Two turkey burger patties, two tablespoons cheese dip on top, and roasted veggies
Dessert: Pink stuff (too much - my stomach hurt after this)
Snack: about 3 pm - Fudgesicle
Supper - got too busy with activities with the kids - only had a cheese stick and a diet mtn. dew - ended up also eating about five small powdered doughnuts (I seriously wanted the whole bag - I have to eat supper tonight!!)

I weighed and am down two more pounds - of course cycle wise I am two weeks away and I am also not willing to give myself props when I ate so poorly last night- I am planning better for day 16. Crock Pot turkey - green beans, chicken salad, and boiled eggs. No powdered doughnuts :D

Days Twelve thru Fourteen - Phase One

Well, I hate to do it, but I find myself combining days. This weekend I didn't really spend a lot of time thinking of myself or this change I am making in my life, but instead I focused on my family, and making changes inside the structure of my home (physical changes). I had a great weekend!

Friday I did not take in enough vegetables, that I do know. I also had the opportunity to go to a free movie with my husband and see something he has been wanting to see, Grand Tourino, and went ahead and ate popcorn and shared a box of Nestle Crunch a Bunch. Now - again - big concession for me personally. First - we did not finish the popcorn, and I shared my favorite candy. Yes, BIG!

Saturday, I made an omelet with grilled veggies, and a couple of eggs, drank lots of water and then later that day ate a fudgesicle. I didn't really eat bad, but still not eating enough veggies - Did allow myself a small bowl of ice cream for the first time in two weeks. Again, ladies and gentlemen, the taste was not good. There was not "aaahhhh" moment like there used to be. There truly was no guilt either, but no real enjoyment. I lost a pound this day.

Sunday, we ate left over turkey burgers and I roasted vegetables seasoned with Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipolte. Yum! What a kick, too. No sodium in that, but a really good bite to it. Sunday afternoon we had church small group at my house. Now I did make the low carb dessert I had made for the Super Bowl last week, but another member brought brownies, and I also made mozzarella bites. I had some of all. I really LOVED being able to eat the bites - they were really so very good. I won't be cooking anymore of those for a long time since they are such a temptation. But again, no guilt - I had it, I enjoyed it, but I can leave it. Today I have lost another pound. I also did exercises last night with my kids. Sit ups and stretches - just playing around, but it still felt good. So, I hope you are all doing well as we press on. I will no longer refer to this as Phase One since South Beach only wants people to do that for two weeks. I am still restricting bread because my flesh wants it in a mighty way. I have made a calendar of "special events" that are coming up in the next two months that I am going to eat sweets at. Again - planning is important. Also, it alleviates any guilt or anger. I am really feeling good about this war. I know God is not finished with me, but I do feel differently inside my heart (and stomach) towards food than I did two weeks ago.

I continue to pray as we continue on. ;O)

Day Eleven - Phase One

Wow! Almost two weeks have gone. Now - you all know it hasn't been a smooth "almost" two weeks, but we are almost there. I have good news!! I played Wii last night! Yeah - exercise! Okay - for those that have not had the privilege of being subjected to the world of Wii - it is very annoying in ways - first you do a body test - this is where it measures your body mass index based on height, age, weight, etc - it also measures weight, flexibility, balance, and gives you a chance to set a personal goal for yourself. Okay - now if you don't use it for a while it starts hounding the others in your family that play regularly with things like, "I haven't see Mom in a while. Does she know that in order to reach her goal daily activity is key?" It also takes your weight and makes your "mini me" as big or as small as you are. Let me just say that one month ago when I got on the Wii for the first time I was HORRIFIED when my "mini me" was expanded right before my eyes to represent how large I really am. I kid you not. She became a round beach ball with legs. I don't know if any of you are like me, but I can look in the mirror and tell myself I look good in certain things - then other times nothing looks good on me - it is like the scales have been removed from my eyes - this was one of those times. It did not motivate me though. It might some people, but not me. I respond to positive - not negative. Negative makes me want to do the wrong thing (eat more) even worse. So, seeing the inflated mini me made me go on a two week ice cream kick. I say made but we all know the truth in that - or are beginning to.

So - long story short I am excited that I did that last night - and this morning - down another pound. I don't know who was more shocked last night - the Wii program, or me, that according to it - since I had been on there last I had lost 6.8 lbs. According to my scales I have lost 7. I like the 7 :D

Last night my son and husband built a fire - it was great - great spending time around it, playing with them all, playing games, eating supper down there, just basically hanging out. I did have two squares of 'smores with the kids and didn't even feel guilty - just enjoyed them - but they didn't taste good - not at all, and I usually LOVE them. What I did feel wrong about was eating two more when everyone had gone to bed. Why did I do that? I don't know - I wasn't hungry - I didn't even like the first two - who knows. All I do know is that I would have been just as well off with my fudgesicle. Oh well - this is all a learning process.

Menu:
Breakfast: .75 oz of cashews and 20 oz of water
Snack: two pieces of turkey bacon and water
Lunch: Chicken salad, bell peppers, broccoli (these are in the Green Giant "Immunity Blend" microwave veggies - I just took out the carrots and threw them away after I cooked it) the chicken salad I made from canned white meat chicken in water - light mayo, celery, salt and pepper.
Snack: Sugar Free Jello
Snack: Fudgesicle
Supper: Small salad with tomato, lettuce, three pieces turkey bacon, shredded cheese (not even 1/4 cup), and light Ranch dressing (maybe two tablespoons) I kept the salad small knowing I was having a 'smore with the kids - just really hadn't planned on three of them (I know, "where there is no plan the people perish.....")

Suggestions:
1. PLAY! How fun is that - it reduces stress - your kids love it, you make memories - it is great.
2. LOVE! If you are married - this is so important - physical touch may not be your love language, but God made us to need the touch of others - especially those we love. If we don't get this in a healthy way we may overcompensate for the lack of this by shopping, gambling, drinking, eating, etc - you fill in the blank. So make sure you are attending to this in a right way!
3. Thank your support system once again for seeing you through and bearing with you.
4. Don't forget the plan for the 10 lb mark.

Even though we are almost at the end of Phase One we should not let this be the end - we can hopefully carry over these habits into a new lifestyle - having shed some of our dependence on food for that comfort or help with mourning or celebrating we thought we needed. God is there and will always be there. He is the same - He never changes - He is steady and faithful - a Solid Rock. Not so with food. So, do not be fooled by the enemy - he is crafty - he studies us, he knows our weaknesses and wants us to fail and be pulled away from God - if the enemy can keep us ensnared with guilt and condemnation then he is succeeding in the battle - stay vigilant against it - use the Word to speak against it.

Here we grow!!

Day Ten - Phase One

Okay- so here we are nearing the home stretch. For some you may consider extending Phase One. Personally, I know I need to because my body and my mind are still addicted. I really hate to think that this is going to be like an addiction to gambling, drugs, alcohol, or anything else you can place in that blank - you know - where I actually HAVE to stay away from it forever. My brain is having serious trouble wrapping around that one. I know that Philippians 4:13 promises, "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength." I guess sometimes I get too close to the temptation. So, I can't bring things into my home- no snacks, sweets, cakes, breads, etc. If my kids want them for their lunch they have to keep them downstairs (I guess I really am lazy since I won't go fishing down there for them). They don't like this, but they respect it. I did have to let my daughter know that as much as I love the bread she loves to make, I can't have it made for awhile right now. She seemed okay with that edict, but who really knows with preteens.



I got on the scales this morning after a less than perfect day - I am down one pound. I know this is only by the very grace of God. He is motivating me - and I must admit it is working. I have almost broken out of a number range - down to the next! Yeah!

So - as I confess all my continued faults - here we go:

Breakfast:
2-peanut butter mousse bars (left over from the night before), Diet Mtn. Dew and water
Snack:
2- strips of Turkey bacon
Lunch:
2 Cups White Chicken Chili, slice of low fat cheddar cheese (no sour cream)
water
Snack:
Wedge of laughing cow cheese on celery sticks
Supper: 2 slices of Amish Friendship Bread

Again - I felt bad. Physically and spiritually - yuck from the sugar (it actually tastes different to me now - is this psychological?) and from knowing all my good intentions went down my gastric system. I don't know what to say to that - except thank you, God for toothpaste and mirrors, and husbands (even when you really don't want to hear what they have to say) and accountability groups.

Suggestions:
1. Don't "lead yourself into temptation" - "resist and the devil will flee"
2. Brush your teeth when you feel the need to have something sweet - you can even do this at work - I know this is not a new suggestion, but it works.
3. Even though you are tired, feeling sorry for yourself, etc. - don't go to bed.
4. Do laundry.
5. Write out next week's list and menu - Phase Two or Phase One - doesn't matter - you NEED a plan!!!

What is your 10 lb weight loss goal to yourself? It can't be food. Maybe a haircut, haircolor, fingers or toes done, or maybe a new pair of earrings - if you are a guy maybe you don't care about 10 lbs because they came so easily - but set a reward up anyway - ammo for your gun? a new movie? a day off from yardwork? Whatever - just make it small but relevant and something you wouldn't normally do for yourself.

Onward Soldiers!

Day Nine - Phase One

Do you remember Proverbs 24:16 "....for though the righteous man falls seven times, he gets back up; but the wicked are brought down by calamity"? Well, I am really having to fight the calamity right now. Within me. That part of me that gets close to accomplishing a set goal and then completely sabotaging myself - or allowing myself to fall into temptation - or whatever you want to call it. I just am tired of the cycle.

Last night at Bible study I took my fudgesicle knowing they would have snacks not on the approved SBD list - and I also took Amish Friendship bread that my daughter had made the night before in an effort to rid our house of at least one more loaf (we had 8 when she baked them and this is sinfully good bread). But, I walked into the Bible study, put the fudgesicle in the freezer and then proceeded to eat two peanut butter mousse bars, a slice of friendship bread, and some chicken salad. This was all yet again after having another Wendy's spicy chicken go wrap because I was coming back from karate with my son and late for Bible study. So, once again - lack of planning. Then, I got to my house after Bible study - confessed all to my husband and proceeded to eat two more slices of the friendship bread. To say I felt like a stuffed pig is not even a close accurate description. I felt awful. In my body and in my spirit. Of course the defiance was still there. I wonder looking back if I wasn't eating because I was irritated about something else entirely unrelated and had just handled that and walked into Bible study where I don't know many people yet, was uncomfortable and fell back into my old pattern of using my food as my "comfort buddy". I think that was part of it - with a healthy dose of defiance mixed in. I am really tired of feeling like I know better in this area. I don't - I know that using the same choices and same behaviors gets me the same results, so I have to do something different. Since I am a visual person I am going to use that to my advantage at this point. I am going to come up with some encouraging verses and post them in strategic places around my house to encourage and remind me in my weak moments. Hopefully I will memorize them, too, so they will be written upon my heart forever and help me anytime. I encourage you to do the same. I know that Romans 8:28 is so true, "For ALL things are used to the glory of God who love Him and are called to His purpose." and then keep on reading - all of it to the end of the chapter - how heartening is it to know that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God? Nothing. Not even and addiction to food. Not anything. He loves us, gave his son for us and just wants our heart. Granted, I do feel my abnormal love of sweets gets in the way at times of my devotion to God - by my heart is good - I love Him dearly and I want the order to be right. So, I will continue this journey, with this slip up behind me and the future ahead - Pressing on with the help of Christ.

Menu:
Breakfast: Tilapia, navy beans with spinach in garlic sauce
Snack: Nothing
Lunch: 2 cups of White Chicken Chili (SBD phase one recipe), with a slice of lowfat sharp cheddar cheese, and sour cream
Snack: Wedge of laughing cow cheese on celery sticks
Supper: Wendy's spicy chicken go wrap
Dessert: two peanut butter mousse bars, Amish friendship bread (total of three slices), chicken salad (probably not low fat, but was homemade with fresh chicken)

Suggestions:
1. Get back on that horse. Don't stay in the snare of self pity.
2. Really start the exercise. Then the weight may come off easier and discouragement stay at bay longer
3. Continue to spend time with God daily - you need His strength
4. Be careful of what you are putting in the place of food - is it more food, just acceptable food, or is it time with family and friends, crafts, hobbies, etc? Make it productive.


Love yourself today no matter how you may feel.

Day Eight - Phase One

There is a verse in Proverbs that says, "Pride goeth before destruction." KJV
How true this is for me. Yesterday I was celebrating having successfully completed one week. That is a success, especially for me - the one so challenged to stick with anything - but then I don't know if my brain panicked - or if I panicked. All I know is that I got out of my "normal" weekly routine just a little and before I knew it I was ready to pack it all in. I do mean all. I wanted to eat a carton of Moose Tracks, I wanted to eat the bread my daughter made, I was irritable with myself, short with my kids, and basically feeling lousy.

Now, I said I wanted to. Only by the grace of God did I not. ONLY. Because He knows how much I wanted to. So, I didn't really do well - but I didn't completely fall off the wagon either. I just know my flesh is not dead yet. Wow! What a difficult battle this is! I also know that I am sort of tired of eating good and shopping for what I need to eat good. You know - the fresh veggies, etc. Am I just a slug? Wow? I really hope this isn't what this means. I have really enjoyed cooking for my family. I really have. I have gotten up early on Saturday and Sunday and cooked for them - three meals both days - then yesterday - it was like my body wanted a vacation from all the "good" it has gone through.

As far as weight goes I got on the scales this morning feeling sorry for myself and expecting the worst. No loss, no gain. So, still a total of five pounds gone. I am aiming for more. I have had to step back this morning and reevaluate what I can do differently to change the number on the scale and my attitude.

Menu:
Breakfast: 2/Egg Salad and three pieces of turkey bacon
Snack: "Pink stuff" (described in day seven post)
Lunch: (here is where the downhill slide began) Wendy's spicy chicken go wrap
Snack: "Pink stuff"
Supper: "pink stuff"
Dessert: fudgesicle

How healthy was all of that? Not. I know. But, definitely a chance for me to practice self forgiveness and starting over.

Suggestions:
1. Be quick to forgive and slow to condemn
2. Just have one bite, if you can't do that, then put it in the freezer, but don't substitute what you really want (chocolate) for something else that will not be good enough and then you over eat on that thing.
3. Look forward to phase two - more variety is in your future! Even ice cream (within reason!)
4. Keep up the good work - and you ARE doing good work!


PRESS ON!!

Day Seven - Phase One

WOOO HOOOO!! Seven days down! I would like to sit here and type in that I have lost seven pounds, but alas, I cannot. That is okay. I have not gained weight, and although yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday, I stuck to the plan! Preparedness is so key in this!

James 4:8 "When we draw near to God, He will draw near to us."

I am no theologian. This much is obvious, but when I read that verse I feel a couple of different things. One: That if I am spending more time in the presence of God then I am automatically communicating and listening more. Two: If I am doing that then it will be natural - much like a baby learning a mother's voice - that I would come to know His voice intimately and immediately. Because I am spending more time. So, as we continue on this journey and my mind is more clear, my energy is coming back, my mood swings are not what they used to be (guess it really was the sugar :( ) then I find myself wondering what else God has for me. What else does He want me to be doing with my days and time? I figure by the end of this journey that will be even more clear to me.

Menu:
Breakfast : Omelet just like yesterday (now I am only using three whole eggs and three egg whites to make these and then splitting it all between me and my husband)

Lunch: Taco salad (yes, again - have to use those leftovers!)

Supper: Pepperoni bites (under "snacks" in Dr. Vitkins' recipe site), White chicken chili (SBD recipe off the web from phase one), spinach stuffed mushrooms (SBD recipe phase one - add more seasoning if you make these), and for dessert we had 1/3 less fat cream cheese, mixed with a small container of sugar free cool whip, and a small box (any flavor) sugar free jello. Just mixed this all up and put into a bowl. OH MY STARS!!!! How great was this! Right up there with a fudgesicle. Because of the calories and fat I cannot have this daily - but what a great treat!

Suggestions:
1. Even when you are with a group of people you need to be aware of what you are "popping" into your mouth.
2. Low carb stuff still has calories - so know that if you don't exercise you won't lose if you are taking in enough to keep your body maintained.
3. Smile :D You made it through day seven!!! (and it really is getting a little easier!)


Draw near.

Day Six - Phase One

Well, last night I got about 7 hours of rest. I would say that today I woke up feeling a little - maybe - depressed? I don't know if that is the right word. I think I am just mourning my old way of eating and the foods I used to eat. It will pass.



I got on the scales - no weight lost or gained today. No big deal. Would I have liked it to go down? Well of course - what girl wouldn't have? I see that despite my tiredness I am going to HAVE to add exercise. Did I tell you I was thankful for my supportive husband? He has been so very great during this.



Lets start with the menu today:



Breakfast: I passed up the homemade pancakes I made for all the sleepover kids (not even a nibble I tell you!) and made omelets with red peppers, tomatoes, and onions - seasoned with Emmeril's essence. These were so very very good! I also had two pieces of turkey bacon and about 16 oz of water.



Snack: got busy and forgot this

Lunch: Taco Salad (no shell, no chips - really good!)

Supper: Crock pot Turkey (Butterball turkey breast about 3lbs. and one pack of Lipton onion soup mix placed in crock pot and cooked on low 8 hours) green beans
This really wasn't enough and I found myself munching afterward - like on fudgsicle, cheese stick, and a cream cheese mixture I had made.

Suggestions:
1. Watch out for the business of life -that is a sure fire way to kill a plan. Twice in two days I have let that get ahead of me.
2. Exercise. Take the stairs more, park further away - just get the energy going (heaven forbid you would like to, but you could even deep clean your house to burn calories)
3. Go to sleep at a decent time and then get up at a decent time. This is part of caring for yourself. Take it from me, there will ALWAYS be "something else" to do or get done before the day is over. Seriously though, if we are good stewards with our time (note to self: this does not include t.v., computer, or phone time as much as I would like them to) then the important things will get done in the time allotted. We have to be vigilant about protecting the time we have and not letting frivolous things (even those that mask themselves as "good") to get in the way or knock us off course!


Stay strong!!

Day Five - Phase One

"...for though the righteous man falls seven times he gets back up; but the wicked are brought down by calamity." Proverbs 24:16



Have you considered cheating yet? Thought, "oh, one time, one day, one bite, won't matter"? Well the Lord knows I have, and now you do, too. But it does. As my husband says, "It isn't the caboose that kills you, but the engine on the train." Wise, huh? I have experienced that "engine" many times in my life. Not only in the area of food, but this is the main and most frustrating area. So, on this fifth day I am down 1/2 a pound this morning. Very happy with my progress, but very proud of myself for sticking with this for five actual days. If you knew me you would know I have a difficult time following through with my goals or things I start. So, the verse above means so much to me personally. It has allowed me to shed the guilt that attempts to creep back up and keep me down from past failures. I am taking this one day at a time, one step at a time and trying to stay ahead of my weak flesh by utilizing the strength God has given me. I just love that God loves me no matter what!



Suggestions:

1. I think it is time we started actually exercising. Anything. Kickball with the kids, Wii Sports, Wii Fit, or whatever you like - time to move.

2. Keep drinking the water - I would actually encourage you to drink at least 8 oz before you eat each meal or snack.

3. Keep up your daily Bible study. This is really so important.

4. Get your rest and don't feel bad about it.



Menu for today:

Breakfast: two boiled eggs with a little Lawry's seasoning salt on them, two pieces of turkey bacon.

Snack: 15 Cashews

Lunch: Wendy's spicy chicken Go Wrap (not on SBD at all - but this occurred because of poor planning on my part for grocery shopping before lunch - lesson learned)

Snack: Fudgesicle

Supper: Taco Salad (no shells - I also used turkey meat instead of beef and lots of lettuce, and tomatoes. My husband added salsa - another good way to get veggies in)

I was too busy tonight when I had six kids over ranging in ages from 16 mths to 9 years to really think about food for me. It did creep back up when all were in bed and it was the end of the night and I felt like, "whew, now I 'deserve' something." Bad habits are difficult to break. I did not give in.

Onward, Soldiers! This battle is behind us but the war still looms!

Day Four - Phase One

Well, I have completed day four. When I got on the scales this morning I was disappointed, but not disheartened. I had gained a half pound. What did I really expect though with all the seasonings and sodium I consumed yesterday?

Anyway, I had a good day today. I really wanted to cheat about midday. Had to evaluate why. I think it was because I was bored. Finally, I just reoccupied myself, drank some water, and kept on going. I am still tired. I don't know if that is normal or if my body is really, really hoping I will "switch back" if it stays tired, so I am going to bed shortly.

Suggestions:

1. Keep going. Don't give in - even if no one would never know - you would
2. Keep the plan fluid. Sometimes you get home from work and what you thought you could cook won't work out for whatever reason - that is okay - go to the next menu item.
3. Thank your support system
4. Look up new recipes. I had to - I get bored easily.

Breakfast: Eggs (hard boiled, then mixed with low fat mayo and salt and pepper), 2 pieces of turkey bacon.
Snack: Didn't have one - running late with work
Lunch: "BLT" salad - two pieces turkey bacon crumbled up on romaine lettuce, low fat shredded cheese, medium tomato sliced up, and two hard boiled eggs (minus yolks), with a little spicy ranch dressing (not SBD approved, but low in carbs) and sugar free jello
Supper: 1 1/2 fillets of blackened tilapia, leftover oven roasted veggies (did I tell you how great this was?) fudgesicle

I didn't do as well today with my water intake. I think because I was a little busier at work and I just let it slip. My body can tell, though, so I won't do this again.

I pray you continue on - day seven will probably be another difficult day for me, but I have prepared a menu (Super Bowl Sunday) and a list to go to the store with. Wish me luck as I do you!!

Day Three - Phase One

Okay - here I am on day three and I have to share my phenomenal news!! I got on the scales this morning (book says not to daily, but what dieting female doesn't?) and I am down three more pounds!!! Don't worry, I didn't believe it either. Thought my scales were playing a trick. So, I took a shower then got back on. SAME NUMBER! That is more motivation.







I have to say, I am smiling a little more. I really do believe that, while this whole "dying to flesh" is painful, God is walking me through it moment by moment. Even in my Bible study this morning He reminded me - again in Proverbs - 5:22-23 "the evil deeds (in my case pure gluttony) of a wicked man (sinner) ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast (the shame and toll this amount of weight takes on my body, soul, and relationship with others). He will die for lack of discipline ('nuff said) led astray by his own great folly (the continuation of the same choices and mindset)."







So, although I am following the South Beach Diet plan (and truly believe in its principles and medical basis since I was diagnosed insulin resistant in 1994, even though I only weighed 147 lbs., and told I would not have children), I do believe I cannot "just follow a diet". I have to allow God to lead me in this. How? Through daily Bible study, fellowship with others, music, wisdom from those that have gone before me (even those that have struggled through other addictions), etc.







The ultimate goal my heart has for this journey (in addition to the weight loss) is a freedom from bondage. Bondage from the thoughts and fear and shame of food. Food preparation, food buying, food everything - it all brings about craziness inside my brain. So, with my goal, my plan, my God, and my support system I know this too can be kicked!!







This Sunday coming up is Super Bowl Sunday. Now, I like to watch football, but not as much as my husband, and I use the time to gather with others and eat. When I was preparing for this this last Sunday I was already dreading having friends over on Super Bowl Sunday. Now I am excited for the challenge. I am going to do some research and figure out "dieter" friendly snacks that we can have, without freaking them out, when they are here.







Suggestions from today:



1. Set small goals for your water drinking so you are not waking up in the middle of the night :)



2. Hug your support system/smile at random people - you will just feel better.



3. Spend time reading the Bible. I recommend Becky Tirabassi's Change Your Life Daily Bible.



4. Be happy with yourself for even starting - and for clearing out all that "not okayed" food!



5. Start considering exercise (if you don't already do it) just so your mind can start preparing your body :D







Today's Menu:



Breakfast: two boiled eggs mixed with a tablespoon of low fat mayo, salt, and pepper, two pieces of turkey bacon - water and a diet mtn. dew



Snack: wedge of laughing cow cheese (garlic and herb) spread on multiple half sticks of celery (I really used to hate celery - the cheese makes it bearable), and more water



Lunch: Green beans (again because of how many I made the first day. Recipe on cookingforeinsein.blogspot.com), water, three pieces of Oscar Meyer smoked turkey meat (the thicker sliced kind), sugar free jello, and finished with a piece of extra wintergreen gum.

Late afternoon snack: Low fat string cheese stick

Supper: Baked, blackened tilapia and the SBD recipe oven roasted veggies (instead of salt and pepper I used Emeril's Original Essence). This was a really, really good and tasty meal!

Dessert: No sugar added fudgesicle (I guess I cheated by having two)

Today I went back to noticing billboard ads, radio ads, and TV ads for food. Everything sounded so good. I really was craving today. I was also not feeling so well in the afternoon - think I caught something from my youngest, but after some Pepto felt somewhat better and able to eat dinner (and dessert obviously), but still struggling with wanting carbs. Like my middle child wanted popcorn while watching American Idol. Normally we would pop this and eat it and I would think we were doing good because of the fiber (okay, yes, there is LOTS of butter, but does that count against the fiber?). On this diet popcorn is out. I made her eat it downstairs so I didn't have to be so tempted. Sad, huh? Another really weak moment was right before we started cooking dinner - my husband is doing this with me - we looked at each other, drained, ready for bed, bodies attempting to adjust to this onslaught of healthy food, and he said, "You want to stop and start back tomorrow?" Only God was able to give me the strength to say no in the face of such an appealing proposition. Had it been Monday night I would have jumped at the chance and probably jumped his bones for feeling liberated. Not so this day. I felt like even though we have made it through only two and a half days - those were hard fought and hard earned two and a half days, and I didn't want to go back. This Phase is only two weeks, right?

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a little concerned about reverting back to old, time worn, unhealthy, obsessive patterns I have had in the past after these two weeks, but I am trying not to get ahead of myself and continue to let God lead in this.

Blessings as you continue on!

Day Two - Phase One

So, I have completed day number two. Granted, I am not in bed yet, but definitely headed that way. Just pumped about updating the progress so far. (No, I did not weigh again today)



When I wrote earlier to begin this journey with you I spoke about a plan. The basis of this epiphany comes from Proverbs - "Where there is no vision, the people perish..."

I am tired of "perishing" so I realize God is announcing to me that I need a plan. In my case, a WRITTEN plan (because I forget so easily in the moments of life). So, that is what I did - created my vision - wrote out my plan. Tried not to get ahead of myself- just taking it one week at a time and then even then one day at a time.



So - the week's menu is up, the groceries are bought (with my husband) and I completed day one yesterday. I will confess today was easier. Was I less hungry? I don't think so. Was I less tempted? No, definitely not (the kids found candy bars in the upper most cabinet I didn't know existed!!). Did my "flesh" die that easily? Nope. All I can say is that struggling so badly the night before with wanting to slide and give in and not doing so (even though I went to bed an extremely unhappy girl) - I woke up feeling good about that - then my wonderful husband left me notes around encouraging me in my goal (cool, huh?), and to top it off I actually planned ahead for the weak moment I knew would come (the new women's Bible study group I had joined that started tonight). No, the pounds lost did not hurt - they were the cherry on top!!



Suggestions from today:

1. Know your schedule. Prepare for that - take things that fit the situation.

2. Check your cabinets AGAIN!!

3. Eat before you go out - even just a snack of cheese or nuts to keep you from binging where you go- or giving into the brownies.

4. Laugh with others at the fact that you brought your own snack - who cares!



What I ate today:

Breakfast: five spinach quiche cups (add salt, pepper, and more hot sauce to this SBD recipe)

Snack: Celery with one wedge of laughing cow garlic and herb cheese (yum!!)

Lunch: Rolled up turkey dipped in melted cheese with green chilies

Snack: 15 cashew halves

Supper: Fresh green beans, bite of egg salad (wasn't good, I put too much mustard in), and jello(sugar free of course)

Snack at Bible Study (instead of brownies, popcorn, chex mix, and candy bars) Sugar free 40 calorie fudgesicle (OH MY STARS, YUM!!!!)



I did complete my 64 oz. today (note to self - don't cram it all in before bed tomorrow).



I wish us all well as we trudge on!!

Day One - Phase One

I have decided to do the South Beach Diet because of my addiction to sweets and breads. This is something I have struggled with most of my life, but honestly didn't know there were any other effects on me other than just increasing my weight.

Not true. Being addicted to anything brings about a feeling of shame for me. Especially since four years ago I was challenged by my child's doctor to stop my dairy intake while I was breastfeeding because my child was allergic to dairy and it was making him more and more sick. I wasn't able to do it. The really sick part was I would hide and think no one would know if they didn't see me. Puhleeze! Give me a break! How blind can a person be, you ask? Very. I am a walking, talking example. So, through the years I have tried a number of different diets and honestly - did well at times, but also did crappy at times. I never fully lost any significant amount of weight with anything.

Currently I am at an all time high in the weight department. I now NEED to lose 80 lbs - just to get to the high end of the "approved" range that doctors give you. Personally, I have been through this so many times, I am just hoping for a decrease in my BMI! Yesterday, January 26, 2009, I got serious about committing, not only to myself and God, but also to a specific plan. I have read the South Beach Diet Book, made grocery lists, and a menu. Yesterday I started the plan.

Difficult? Oh my stars, yes! Not the diet its self - because it doesn't ask you to measure really or count calories, or all the stuff I have learned before - but difficult in the psychological and physical NEED for starch and sweets! I know, I know - this is what I am breaking by going on this, but WOW!! I was near tears last night wanting to eat a piece of cake. I didn't give in, but only because my husband is doing this with me and I could not face him with yet another failure. So, score one for day one!!

Suggestions:
1. Clean out ALL your sweets (even in the freezer), breads, etc. BEFORE beginning this.
2. Shop with a buddy - you need the accountability in the beginning.
3. Rest. You will be so tired, so rest.
4. Really clean out the sweets - don't "hide" something back for "just in case".

My day's eating yesterday:
Breakfast: Diet Mtn Dew ( I know - no caffiene, but this one is all for the day)
sugar free jello, 15 cashews
Snack: Low fat cheese slice
Lunch: SBD Tuna salad (lots of veggies cut up and put in)
Snack: Sugar free popsicle
Supper: Crockpot Cajun turkey (bought at Walmart in the frozen turkey section) Fresh green beans cooked with onions and garlic, salt, and pepper.

Lots and lots of water - But, I did not meet my 64 oz. quota for my day.

Today I weighed - down 2 1/2 lbs!!! I pray it is not a fluke.

Good luck ~