Day Fifteen

"When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. FINALLY, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." Psalm 32:3-5

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I can honestly say my guilt is gone. Not only was my guilt over my addiction to food getting in the way of relationships with others, but also my relationship with Christ. When I say it was getting in the way that is what I mean - I dreaded looking at sales papers, I could not think about recipes, I hated going to the grocery store and being responsible for coming home with stuff that could be put together to make meals. I truly had a spiritual and mental block in this area. To have this "block" cracked - I had to surrender. For me the surrender happened in my soul back in October, but I had been praying for it for almost two years - maybe really earnestly for one - but still praying - and waiting impatiently. While my soul surrendered I truly did not understand how to bring my flesh into submission. I have never been in sports, a part of a team, in the military, or anything that really required me to answer to someone besides bosses, husband, parents, etc. I haven't really been great at that - rebellious with limitations on my rebellion, but for my upbringing - rebellious. Not how I want my children to be, not what I want them to go through. I do not want them to be in bondage to ANYTHING!! No, I am not perfect - not by a long shot, but I do and have confessed my rebellion, and issues with submitting to authority - especially when the authority is so lousy in my opinion - you know - an incompetent boss or governor, or principle, etc. Fortunately, God has graciously shown me I am not responsible for what they do or the decisions that they make and as long as I am in order and in submission He will continue to cover me, but if I step outside the covering and authority I am basically telling God, "I got this". So, this past year he has been changing my thinking and my heart, and my life. Now he is spilling that into my food. I had to surrender inside my soul before I could get my flesh to follow - where my heart goes the rest follows, right?

Thankfully, God long ago knew I would need the premise of the South Beach Diet. He knew I was going to be one that used food for comfort, had a history of insulin resistance, and a family history of type 2 diabetes and heart disease. I am so thankful that I read this book, and that He has walked me through this. I am even more thankful that He knew two years ago what I was going to need to get through each step and exactly when I would be ready to receive from Him - and has provided through His word, people, diet books, and song, exactly what I have needed over these past couple of years to get me to this point. All this time I thought I was the one waiting on Him to move. No, He was patiently waiting on me. How great is our GOD?!!!

We make life so complicated because we get ahead of God. One day I will truly learn how to fully wait - and in waiting gain strength. One would think that since I can look back over my life and see so many specific God movements, that I would understand it all by now, but for whatever reason I still have more to learn. My spirit is so willing, and though my flesh is weak, God is making it stronger daily.

Thank you, God.

Menu:
Breakfast: Two boiled eggs seasoned with Lawry's seasoning salt, and water
Snack: Sugar Free Jello
Lunch: Two turkey burger patties, two tablespoons cheese dip on top, and roasted veggies
Dessert: Pink stuff (too much - my stomach hurt after this)
Snack: about 3 pm - Fudgesicle
Supper - got too busy with activities with the kids - only had a cheese stick and a diet mtn. dew - ended up also eating about five small powdered doughnuts (I seriously wanted the whole bag - I have to eat supper tonight!!)

I weighed and am down two more pounds - of course cycle wise I am two weeks away and I am also not willing to give myself props when I ate so poorly last night- I am planning better for day 16. Crock Pot turkey - green beans, chicken salad, and boiled eggs. No powdered doughnuts :D