Day Nine - Phase One

Do you remember Proverbs 24:16 "....for though the righteous man falls seven times, he gets back up; but the wicked are brought down by calamity"? Well, I am really having to fight the calamity right now. Within me. That part of me that gets close to accomplishing a set goal and then completely sabotaging myself - or allowing myself to fall into temptation - or whatever you want to call it. I just am tired of the cycle.

Last night at Bible study I took my fudgesicle knowing they would have snacks not on the approved SBD list - and I also took Amish Friendship bread that my daughter had made the night before in an effort to rid our house of at least one more loaf (we had 8 when she baked them and this is sinfully good bread). But, I walked into the Bible study, put the fudgesicle in the freezer and then proceeded to eat two peanut butter mousse bars, a slice of friendship bread, and some chicken salad. This was all yet again after having another Wendy's spicy chicken go wrap because I was coming back from karate with my son and late for Bible study. So, once again - lack of planning. Then, I got to my house after Bible study - confessed all to my husband and proceeded to eat two more slices of the friendship bread. To say I felt like a stuffed pig is not even a close accurate description. I felt awful. In my body and in my spirit. Of course the defiance was still there. I wonder looking back if I wasn't eating because I was irritated about something else entirely unrelated and had just handled that and walked into Bible study where I don't know many people yet, was uncomfortable and fell back into my old pattern of using my food as my "comfort buddy". I think that was part of it - with a healthy dose of defiance mixed in. I am really tired of feeling like I know better in this area. I don't - I know that using the same choices and same behaviors gets me the same results, so I have to do something different. Since I am a visual person I am going to use that to my advantage at this point. I am going to come up with some encouraging verses and post them in strategic places around my house to encourage and remind me in my weak moments. Hopefully I will memorize them, too, so they will be written upon my heart forever and help me anytime. I encourage you to do the same. I know that Romans 8:28 is so true, "For ALL things are used to the glory of God who love Him and are called to His purpose." and then keep on reading - all of it to the end of the chapter - how heartening is it to know that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God? Nothing. Not even and addiction to food. Not anything. He loves us, gave his son for us and just wants our heart. Granted, I do feel my abnormal love of sweets gets in the way at times of my devotion to God - by my heart is good - I love Him dearly and I want the order to be right. So, I will continue this journey, with this slip up behind me and the future ahead - Pressing on with the help of Christ.

Menu:
Breakfast: Tilapia, navy beans with spinach in garlic sauce
Snack: Nothing
Lunch: 2 cups of White Chicken Chili (SBD phase one recipe), with a slice of lowfat sharp cheddar cheese, and sour cream
Snack: Wedge of laughing cow cheese on celery sticks
Supper: Wendy's spicy chicken go wrap
Dessert: two peanut butter mousse bars, Amish friendship bread (total of three slices), chicken salad (probably not low fat, but was homemade with fresh chicken)

Suggestions:
1. Get back on that horse. Don't stay in the snare of self pity.
2. Really start the exercise. Then the weight may come off easier and discouragement stay at bay longer
3. Continue to spend time with God daily - you need His strength
4. Be careful of what you are putting in the place of food - is it more food, just acceptable food, or is it time with family and friends, crafts, hobbies, etc? Make it productive.


Love yourself today no matter how you may feel.