I have to say, I am smiling a little more. I really do believe that, while this whole "dying to flesh" is painful, God is walking me through it moment by moment. Even in my Bible study this morning He reminded me - again in Proverbs - 5:22-23 "the evil deeds (in my case pure gluttony) of a wicked man (sinner) ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast (the shame and toll this amount of weight takes on my body, soul, and relationship with others). He will die for lack of discipline ('nuff said) led astray by his own great folly (the continuation of the same choices and mindset)."
So, although I am following the South Beach Diet plan (and truly believe in its principles and medical basis since I was diagnosed insulin resistant in 1994, even though I only weighed 147 lbs., and told I would not have children), I do believe I cannot "just follow a diet". I have to allow God to lead me in this. How? Through daily Bible study, fellowship with others, music, wisdom from those that have gone before me (even those that have struggled through other addictions), etc.
The ultimate goal my heart has for this journey (in addition to the weight loss) is a freedom from bondage. Bondage from the thoughts and fear and shame of food. Food preparation, food buying, food everything - it all brings about craziness inside my brain. So, with my goal, my plan, my God, and my support system I know this too can be kicked!!
This Sunday coming up is Super Bowl Sunday. Now, I like to watch football, but not as much as my husband, and I use the time to gather with others and eat. When I was preparing for this this last Sunday I was already dreading having friends over on Super Bowl Sunday. Now I am excited for the challenge. I am going to do some research and figure out "dieter" friendly snacks that we can have, without freaking them out, when they are here.
Suggestions from today:
1. Set small goals for your water drinking so you are not waking up in the middle of the night :)
2. Hug your support system/smile at random people - you will just feel better.
3. Spend time reading the Bible. I recommend Becky Tirabassi's Change Your Life Daily Bible.
4. Be happy with yourself for even starting - and for clearing out all that "not okayed" food!
5. Start considering exercise (if you don't already do it) just so your mind can start preparing your body :D
Today's Menu:
Breakfast: two boiled eggs mixed with a tablespoon of low fat mayo, salt, and pepper, two pieces of turkey bacon - water and a diet mtn. dew
Snack: wedge of laughing cow cheese (garlic and herb) spread on multiple half sticks of celery (I really used to hate celery - the cheese makes it bearable), and more water
Lunch: Green beans (again because of how many I made the first day. Recipe on cookingforeinsein.blogspot.com), water, three pieces of Oscar Meyer smoked turkey meat (the thicker sliced kind), sugar free jello, and finished with a piece of extra wintergreen gum.
Late afternoon snack: Low fat string cheese stick
Supper: Baked, blackened tilapia and the SBD recipe oven roasted veggies (instead of salt and pepper I used Emeril's Original Essence). This was a really, really good and tasty meal!
Dessert: No sugar added fudgesicle (I guess I cheated by having two)
Today I went back to noticing billboard ads, radio ads, and TV ads for food. Everything sounded so good. I really was craving today. I was also not feeling so well in the afternoon - think I caught something from my youngest, but after some Pepto felt somewhat better and able to eat dinner (and dessert obviously), but still struggling with wanting carbs. Like my middle child wanted popcorn while watching American Idol. Normally we would pop this and eat it and I would think we were doing good because of the fiber (okay, yes, there is LOTS of butter, but does that count against the fiber?). On this diet popcorn is out. I made her eat it downstairs so I didn't have to be so tempted. Sad, huh? Another really weak moment was right before we started cooking dinner - my husband is doing this with me - we looked at each other, drained, ready for bed, bodies attempting to adjust to this onslaught of healthy food, and he said, "You want to stop and start back tomorrow?" Only God was able to give me the strength to say no in the face of such an appealing proposition. Had it been Monday night I would have jumped at the chance and probably jumped his bones for feeling liberated. Not so this day. I felt like even though we have made it through only two and a half days - those were hard fought and hard earned two and a half days, and I didn't want to go back. This Phase is only two weeks, right?
Now, don't get me wrong, I am a little concerned about reverting back to old, time worn, unhealthy, obsessive patterns I have had in the past after these two weeks, but I am trying not to get ahead of myself and continue to let God lead in this.
Blessings as you continue on!
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